Sunday, 31 January 2010

Chapter 28: Finally

Sorry about the wait. Hope you like this :-) Next chapter should be up tomorrow, already got it written. Once again thank you so much for the comments. I love reading them :D Please comment this :P




''Yeah I am kind of worried, It's so out of character for him to accept you.'' I answered Jordan's question as diplomatically as possible.


''Suppose he's actually trying to be nice, tonights gonna be a challenge.'' He chuckled on the other end of the line.


''Please dress nicely, you know, a suit and everything,''


''I do know that, I'll be good, promise.'' I could almost see his face, him more than likely sticking his tongue out, mocking me.


No matter how much I pretended I was really very worried about how the night would go. I knew that as my father he would be protective but there was no need for to go off on one because I wouldn't give him a reason too and Jordan wouldn't either, I hoped.


'Knock Knock'


''Come in,'' Liz peeped her head round the door as I started speaking.


''I just wanted to see how you were feeling, I know your dad sprung it on you but you shouldn't have snuck out last night,'' My step mother said with a small mischievous smile creeping at the sides of her lips.


''I know but I wanted to make sure he got home safely, he promised to be on his best behaviour,'' I grinned widely, glad we were getting on.


''I hope so, for both your sakes.''







Five minutes until Jordan was supposed to arrive and the tiny acrobats in my stomach were doing somersaults, I keep glancing at the clock every second minute. I'm meant to be chopping carrots. Ironic really. If I'm being totally honest I really want to sleep with him. Theres just that urge every time I see him to ask him to do me roughly up against a wall. Is that bad?


'Ding Dong'


There it is, the noise that announces his arrival. I heard footsteps walking towards the door. Ohh shit.


''Coach,'' Currently pressing my ear to the kitchen door in secret agent style.


''Jordan, come in, relax, I don't bite.'' My dad giggled, this was something strange.


I decided to wander on through to the entry hall and approached Jordy cautiously. Should I hug him? Kiss him? Just say hello? My questions were answered for me as Jordan grabbed onto me and brought me into him, fusing our lips together in a steamy kiss. Fuck Fuck Fuck.


''Right thats enough of that Staal.'' We heard a coughing behind us and a voice but my thoughts were too clouded by lust to care.


I turned around, facing an icy glare from my darling step sister and an obviously forced smile from everyone else. Looking at Jordan, he just grinned his usual cheeky smile. Typical.


''I think dinners ready so everyone go on through to the dining room,'' Liz announced breaking the silence.


Throughout dinner, uncomfortable questions were fielded, mostly from my father but another lot from my very jealous step sister. I could see her eyes filling with green and I was pretty sure everyone else could see her very openly flirting with Jordan. Although he had kept his cool most of the time, the way his clammy hand was carefully placed on my thigh was a dead give away of how nervous he was. It made me smile.


''Jordan, I'm going to ask one last question,'' My haze was broken.


''Sure, go on.'' His hand gripped harder onto my leg. I was sure I would be left bruised.


''Lets face it you don't have the best reputation, I've seen the way you are when we're on the road, what makes you think you can stay faithful to my daughter, hmm?'' It was said aggresively and I didn't like it.


''Ehhhh, well . . ''


''Come on, answer.'' I knew Jordan hated being pushed.


''If I'm honest, I'm happy. I haven't felt this way, well, ever. With every other girl I dreaded coming home but when the season fully starts I'm sure it'll be easy. I can see why you would be concerned but you don't need to be.'' We both let out a breath that I really didn't know I was holding in.





''I can't believe you were allowed to come back to my apartment,'' Jordan spoke as we walked through the door, he sounded like an excited five year old.


''Me either, can I have a drink?'' Now I was the nervous as hell. What was gonna happen tonight?


''Yeah sure, is red wine okay?'' He flipped the switch on in the kitchen and I moved around, finally settling on top of the counter.


After pouring the wine into the two separate glasses, he stepped back and leaned against the island in the middle of his kitchen, right infront of me. I was breathing heavily. I was sure he could tell that I was a little unsure of what was to come.


We didn't say anything. He took a step towards me and took the glass from hand, sitting it on the marble countertop beside us. Never moving his eyes from mine, he placed a hand on the back of my neck, the other on the side of my thigh. His thumb making small circles on the material of my skirt. He leaned in and placed his lips to mine, starting out as a sweet innocent kiss and moving forward as our passion increased. His tongue interlocking with mine, us both fighting for dominance. He was the first to pull back. Still keeping his gaze locked with mine.


''Let me make love to you,'' He whispered softly.

Friday, 25 December 2009

Chapter 27: Beautiful Disaster

Had an emotional Christmas day. One of my close family members passed away but I find that burying myself in writing helps me. So I decided to get this chapter posted. Thank you once again for the comments, they make my day :)





''Shit.'' I whispered as Jordan giggled quietly beside me. He sure as hell didn't realize how much trouble I could potentially be in right now. Men.


''I've warned you about this Jennifer, I told you to stay away from him.'' The voice continued, the sound of it wasn't instantly recognizable.


A figure started to form from out of the dark of the night. Like a man coming over the top of a sand dune in the middle of the grainy desert. Blurry at first. I was surprised by the small frame, knowing my dad had an overpowering 6''4 stance. I heard a ridiculous laugh as the body came closer and then it bent over, putting its hands to its mouth in a bid to hide the sound. I walked closer and saw that in no way shape or form was this my father. Darcy - I should of known.


''What the fuck was that?'' I said with a low volume, shouting would definitely of awoken the sleeping giant that was inside the house.


''You should have seen your face. Man, you were shit scared.'' She managed out between laughs. I was mad but I had to admit I could definitely see the funny side. ''I don't have time for this right now, I need to get him home, go back to bed!'' I said whilst pointing to a still chuckling Jordan.


''M'kay. Be safe.'' She said with a smirk and cheeky wink. I'd get her later.


I walked slowly back over to the car where Jordan was now sort of slouched up against it. He reached out to pull me into him as I neared. I wasn't having any of it.


''Get in the car.'' I said calmly but assertively. It was the only tone of voice he'd listen to. ''But-'' he started. ''Now!'' I growled, the look on his face changed to one of hurt. I didn't feel bad - surprisingly.


Our journey to his apartment was another one made from out of memory only. As soon as he was seated in the SUV he drifted into dreamland, his head rested against the window. Mouth slightly open - snoring like a little piglet. I tried to recall the time he had taken me back to his place, making my way to Mellon and trying to trace my steps from there. It was tricky seeing as the time he had driven me there, I had spent it teasing him. Eventually and because of my magnificent memory we reached his apartment block.


I got of the car and made my way to his side and pulled open the door. He was startled and would have fallen straight out had he of not been strapped in.


''Hey there,'' He grinned lazily as his eyes focused on me. The same sparkle as ever in them.


''Don't hey there me, get out!'' I was mad. I didn't need this, I should of just left him to stagger home or more than likely pass out my lawn and let my dad find him in the morning. But I cared and that was my downfall.


I could see I had struck a nerve, even in his drunken state Jordan could tell I meant business. I shut the door of the SUV saving him from having to turn and more than likely send his world spinning. I got under his arm and took as much of his weight as I possibly could. Thank goodness he has an elevator. Once we were inside I knew I couldn't let him slide to the floor because I'd have absolutely no chance of getting his 220 pound body vertical again.


The machine stopped and the ridiculously sexy voice of a woman announced that this was the 5th floor. I could only assume this was installed to make this building more appealing to bachelors like Jordan himself.


As we reached his door labelled 5A I began searching his jacket pockets for his keys. Managing to find them, we stumbled into his apartment. I kicked the door closed behind me for which Jordan tried to give me some mumbled lecture about paint work. Like I care.


He flopped down onto the bed where I used all my strength to undress him while his completely wasted hands tried to wander my body. I looked up at his face and saw that infuriating smirk again. Even while drunk he still knew exactly what to do piss me off.


Once I had stripped him to his tacky playboy boxers and tucked him in, I sat down on the edge of the bed, took one last look at him and those eyes that bared his soul.


''I wuv you.'' He said as he gingerly tucked a piece of hair behind my ear that had been resting over one my eyes. I smiled gently at him. ''Tell me when your sober,'' I replied and walked out of room, chuckling a little at his attempt at being cute. It didn't suit him, he just wasn't the 'cute' type of guy. I knew in the morning he'd have no recollection of any of this.


The drive home was smooth and my mind mulled over everything that had become of the night. I wasn't really all that sure of what this meant for Jordan and I but I knew that I'd make sure we talked tomorrow, I also knew that I needed to define what we are because right now I really have no idea and it was really starting to mess with my head.


I figured I'd use the front door this since I had my keys so I quietly opened the door and shut it ever so silently behind me. Creeping across the floor in a stealth like way.


''You better have a good explanation for this.'' A voice said and I was definitely sure it wasn't Darcy this time.


''I do.'' I replied quietly.


''Go on then,''


''I think I might love him, you know just a little bit.'' I giggled and leaned back against the door. I smiled to myself.


''Tell him to come over for dinner tomorrow. I'll be the judge of whether he's good enough!'' He said gruffly. Well thats a change of tune. Yesterday I was banned from him now he's aloud to come to dinner. Talk about giving me whiplash with his mood swings. Thoughts of disaster filled my head, so many things could go wrong tomorrow night. Sweet Jesus . . . . . . . .

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Chapter 26: Diesel

Update as promised :) Should have another up soon, wooo! Thanks for all the comments :D!




Jordan's POV


I was right when I said that only dirty girls go diesel. As soon as we walked into the club, the amount of women throwing themselves at us was unbelievable. Blondes, brunettes, red heads. You name it they all swarmed to us like wasp. Thats exactly what they were though, they wanted us so they could be with us, sting us and take all our money. Trust me, I've fallen for it too many times or should I say too many maxed out credit cards.


''Hey man, wanna get the beers in?'' Sid shouted over the noise of the club before being pulled on the dance floor but some cute dark haired girl.


I made my through the crowds of people looking to have a good time, in more ways than one, if you catch my drift. The bar was pretty much empty what with everyone dancing. I was still deciding whether I even wanted to drink when Todd, the barman came over.


''Bad night?'' He chucked lightly. ''What can I get you?'' He continued.


''You have no idea,'' I groaned. ''5 beers,'' What the hell. ''Ughh, a couple of shots of tequila as well,'' Fuck it. He gave me a toothy grin.


''I'll get someone to bring them over, go enjoy yourself man,'' I knew I always liked this guy.


I ended up sitting in booth with Geno and TK while everyone else danced with the group of girls that had collected around our area of the club. Geno usually got in about different girl but since Oksana had caught him with his hand in the cookie jar he had been staying away whereas TK who would never cheat on his girlfriend, Kelcey just sat and talked with whoever was around him. He was good guy. I kept checking my watch and saw that it was now 2am, I guess meeting Jen was completely out of the question. I instantly felt guilty. I'd probably hurt her. A lot.


Before long a blonde haired girl with massive tits that were basically hanging out of her top slid into the booth beside me, giving me seductive looks and batting her eyelashes at me. Don't get me wrong she was hot but I just wasn't in the mood.


''I'm Katy,'' She drawled with a southern accent. She smiled and I figured if I give her as little attention as possible she'd move onto Geno. I was wrong.


''Come dance with me,'' She giggled as she stood up grabbed my hand attempted to pull me up. I probably could of just sat back down but the way she swayed her hips made me think twice and I'm a guy after all, we can't help it.


We started of facing each other, her eyes constantly drifting to my lips but there was no way in hell she was getting anything from me. I'm guy and I actually can't believe I just thought that. I'm giving up sex? Yep because I only want Jen. Pretty soon 'Katy' turned and shoved her ass into my crotch, putting her arms around my neck. I instinctively grabbed onto her hips pulling her closer, which I'm pretty sure gave her the wrong idea because she turned smacked her lips on me. I pushed her off me and she looked pretty angry.


''You were giving me so many come on's,'' She screamed at me. Crazy Bitch.


''Are you kidding me?'' I grabbed my jacket and walked straight out of the club, the warm summer air was making me feel even more drunk than I already was. Usually I could hold my drink but after 7 beers and 4 shots of tequila, I was definitely feeling the effects. The only person I could think of was Jen. Her face kept flashing across my brain. I should of gone to the house and spoke to her. In my drunken state I figured hailing a cab and going to her house was a great idea.


The driver dropped me off and I stumbled around to where I could remember vaguely where her window was. I picked up some stones on the way round and began throwing them at her window whilst shouting her name. I saw the window rise and her head poke out.


''I NEEEEDDD YOUUU!'' I shouted as I saw the annoyed look on her face.


''Wait there, do not move.'' I watched her climb out the window and then navigate her way expertly down the tall tree that overhangs onto the back of the house. I couldn't help but smile and the shorts and tank top she wearing. As she walked closer to me I could tell she was angry.


''What the fuck are you doing here?'' On closer inspection shes not wearing a bra and it's very cold outside. Wow, I'm drunk.


''I wanted to see you,'' I tried to give her my best puppy dog eyes but I wasn't sure they would work.


''Look, I'm not doing this right now with you as drunk as you are. I'm taking you home.'' She sounded like my mom but she really didn't look like her. My drunk self laughed internally.


I followed her to where her dads car was parked.'' Don't you need keys?'' I asked. ''I came prepared.'' She smiled softly.


''I always do too,'' I grinned at her and winked.


''Ughhhhh, just get in.'' She growled. I've never heard her angry before, it's sexy.


''Where do you think you two are going?'' A voice from the darkness boomed. Ohh shit.

Chapter 25: Chocolate On Chocolate

It's been 2 months since I updates but I'm back on track! WOOO :D Should have another update up very soon! This is definitely not the end of the story, still got a long way to go :) Will you guys stick with me? I hope you like this update :) Thank you all for all the comments, they helped me make the decision to keep going :D !!! Lets get this thing going ! haha :D.





''JENNNN,'' I heard my name being called as I sat on my bed, my knees brought up with my laptop sitting on them. Anytime I was angry I'd read MLIA, some of the posts on there really brought my spirits up but not this time.


''I'm coming!'' I shouted. I moved out from under my quilt and slipped off my shorts and pulled on a pair of sweats as I felt how cold the house had become.


I ran down the stairs and into the kitchen where I noticed Bill Guerin sitting at the table with a girl who seemed about my age on the other side of him. Please let that be his daughter. I felt myself laugh internally. I loved my private jokes with myself.


''Hey sweetie, come sit down. This is Darcy, Bill's daughter,'' Ohh thank God. ''Since Bill came to the team, Darcy hasn't met many people her own age, we thought you two could hang out.'' The girl was good looking with deep red hair and pretty brown eyes. The red obviously wasn't her natural color but it suited her. She let out a small smile, she looked just as annoyed at her parents as I was, it was like they were trying to set us up on a date.


''Do you want to come up to my room, maybe stay tonight?'' I knew I had previously arranged to meet Jordan but the more I thought about it the more far fetched it sounded. Romeo and Juliet we were not. I figured I should get to know this girl, she seems nice enough.


''Yeah sure,'' She looked at Bill for permission to which he nodded and grinned. Following me up into my room, she sat down on bed and sighed.


''I'm so sorry. My dad dragged me here and I didn't know what to do,'' She started cautiously, obviously trying to work me out as I was her.


''Don't worry about it, I take it you've heard a bout my escapades then,'' I chuckled a little, trying to make a little light of my situation.


''Omg, Jordan Staal! How did you get him?'' She grinned and laughed with me. ''It sucks what your dads doing,'' She looked at me with sympathy.


''Yeah it does. I feel like such a puck bunny saying this but he truly is the hottest boy I've ever seen.'' I started feeling like a normal seventeen year old girl again but I still held a small hope that he would turn up.


As 7pm came and went my hopes started to diminish. Darcy saw my mood began to falter and dragged the truth out from me. ''Aww babes, he's just a guy. A very very stupid one for not turning up as well,'' She tried to make me feel better. ''I bet it's not even that big anyway,'' I pulled away from her and she winked at me. We both fell about the floor laughing. She was certainly growing on me.


''Lets go get two men who'll never let us down,'' She ran into the kitchen, making herself at home and pulled out a tub of Ben & Jerry's from the freezer. Picking up two spoons from the draining board she sat down at the table and pulled off the top. I hesitated before sitting down, taking a spoon and diving straight in.


Before long we had gotten a few bars of chocolate and began dipping it into the ice cream. ''Mmm, chocolate on chocolate, that is so good,'' I said my mouth full of the sugary treat. It's true junk food can make you feel way better.


The rest of the night was spent leaving post on Jordan Staal message boards about what a douche he is, watching dvd's and chatting about boys. Although saying Jordan's a douche doesn't mean I really believe it, I mean it made me feel better about him not bothering to turn up but really it still hurts.


''Jen?'' Darcy said as we lay in bed trying to sleep.


''Yeah?'' I answered.


''Do you think you love him?''


''I'm not sure.'' It was the million dollar question.


As I drifted in and out of sleep, it stayed with me. Did I love him? What is love? I'm too young for all of that stuff, I knew I didn't want to be without him but love? Really? I managed to get into a deep sleep until I heard a tapping at my window. Someone through stones at it possibly?

Tap

Tap

Tap


It was 4am. I hoped it was who I wanted it to be. I prayed and walked to the window, sliding it up. And poking my head to inspect where the noise was coming from.


''JENNNN,'' I heard for the second time today. ''I NEEEEEDDD YOU!'' He stood below my window shouting so loudly I was sure it would wake the whole house up and I was also very sure about something else. He was drunk.

Monday, 28 September 2009

Chapter 24: Trying to Forget

Should I keep writing this story? Do you guys still like it ? :-)

__________________________________________________

I stood up and strode purposely out the door, out into the cool corridor and then I let loose. I punched the wall, not caring whether I damaged it or damaged myself for that matter. I desperately wanted to claim her as my own yet everyone was hell bent on stopping me. It wasn't just sex this time it was more something I couldn't quite grasp yet but I would, eventually. I stopped with my fist and began kicking into the same wall treating it as though it were a real person, I prayed no one would come out here because I wasn't sure if I could stop myself from turning on them. I was jealous, angry, upset, all the awful emotions I hated were pent up inside of me, I picked up stick and decided to try to express them in the only way I knew how.


I must of been out there was at least two hours, trying to find that release that I knew I desperately needed. I couldn't let a girl affect my game. I hard worked too hard for this and getting involved could permanently harm my career.


I figured I was probably the last one here but as I made my way back into the locker room I saw Max sitting at my stall holding a piece of paper in one hand and he moved his gaze to mine.


''Are you fucking crazy?'' He started, waving the piece of paper in my face. I tried to grab it from his hands. ''Coaches daughter? You have to pick the most off limits girl in Pittsburgh.'' He carried on and threw the white folded sheet to the ground. I picked it up and looked at it. It read. We can make this work. 7pm in my room, come in through the window. -Jen. I smiled but as I saw Max my smile quickly disappeared.


''She's just a girl that I can't seem to get out of my head,'' I said casually changing and getting my stuff ready for going back to my apartment.


''Man, I knew there was something up, but seriously you had to pick her? You need to forget about her, you're coming out with us tonight and we're going to Diesel to find you a nice girl,'' He smirked at me. Maybe he was right, I should forget about her. I think.


''You don't go to Diesel to find a nice girl, only dirty girls go to Diesel,'' I said trying to get in the mood but something in the pit of my stomach told me this was a bad idea.

________________________________________________________

Jen's POV


I left him that note hoping- not praying that he would find it and come tonight. I walked down to get some dinner and sat beside Liz, everyone else had eaten at least an hour before but I did the usual teenage girl thing and stayed in my room and sulked. I sat down next to her and she gave me a small smile. I bet she was going to tell me she could relate to me.


''I can see where your coming from but it's for the best Jen. Anyone but Jordan Staal, he's got the worst reputation. Always picking up girls, your too young to be in a relationship anyway, you should be having fun,'' She was trying to plead my father's case but I could see that she was a little more on my side than him.


''I know, I know. It was really only a school girl crush anyway,'' I said trying to make myself believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. She was right though, after Carter I told myself I wouldn't let myself get so close to a boy ever again. I should be having fun and that's exactly what I intended to do.

Monday, 14 September 2009

Chapter 23: Rage

Please comment, I get all happy ready them lol :-) Thanks to those of you who do. Even constructive criticism is welcome, I like knowing how I can improve my writing :-D Again, sorry it's so short but it's just a filler.


________________________________________________________


Jordan’s POV

I walked into practice the next morning with a strange feeling, something in the pit of my stomach. I was sure coach would pull me aside at one point after what had happened yesterday. I tried calling Jen but to no avail. It seems so cliché - the hockey player falling for his coach’s daughter. Would it ever work though? I mean I’d be away a lot and let’s face it after the summer she’ll be going to college in a different state. There’ll be new guys, new temptations and new friends – who would really want to be tied down in a relationship?

All this is buzzing through my brain while I’m getting ready, I’m so engrossed in my own little conversation in my head that I don’t even hear the guys calling my name.

‘’Hey Staalsy, ‘’ I hear Max calling behind me.

‘’Hey guys,’’ I turn around to find them all staring at me.

‘’Thank God man, we’ve been standing here for like the last hour and you’ve been pretty much ignoring us, what’s up man?’’ Max says a curious look on his face. I guess I have been kinda distant lately, usually Max is my partner in crime. We get up to some hilarious shit sometimes – like the time with the fireworks and the tequila and – I think we should leave that for another occasion.


‘’Nothing, let’s just get out on the ice.’’ I replied, not really knowing what I would tell them if they pressed me any further.

I knew I was playing pretty shit right now but I this practice was different, I was taking all my rage out and playing intensely. I could hear the whispers around me but I wasn’t fazed, I never was. Although one set of eyes never left me – Coach’s

‘’Alright boys, that’s enough for today. Go get changed!’’ He moved towards the exit of the rink but stopped in front of me. ‘’Not you Staal,’’. I stopped immediately, we were about the same height and I knew what was coming.

‘’You ever so much as lay a finger on her again so help me, I’ll fucking kill you. I told her the same, she’s got everything going for her and she doesn’t need someone like you messing it up for her. All I’m saying is think about her. You got that?’’ I wasn’t about to argue with someone who could destroy my career. ‘’Yeah,’’ Then I skated away.


___________________________________________________________


I watched them from my stall. He walked over to her and started flirting with her. Something that he doesn't normally do. I was surprised but I couldn't do anything. I wanted so much to claim her as my own. She stood there and smiled at him, her eyes glittering. I watched Coach watching them, he didn't say a word. He usually didn't date at all but I could see the attraction. I felt it coming, bubbling up inside of me like a pot of boiling water . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sunday, 30 August 2009

Chapter 22: Tearing Us Apart

Please comment, I love getting feedback. I'm sorry to all my follower's who have been waiting ages for an update. It's short but it's just a filler, that okay? Again sorry for the very long wait, now I'm back into a routine with school and everything, I'll have way more time to update so I'll try to update twice a week, maybe more :-D Is that okay?

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As soon as we heard the voice we both pulled our lips apart and snapped our heads to the side to view who was interrupting our session of pure passion. Jordan was still pressed fully on top of me and I could feel his hard erection pressing into my leg. I tried to suppress a smile but I could feel a grin spreading on my face that was until my eyes reached who was standing in the centre of the room. My dad. His right arm clutching his obviously painful ribs. He didn't shout or scream but his eyes were filled with rage. He walked over to me, grabbed me and pulled me to my feet. Wincing as he did so.


He said not a word. Once we had left the locker room he marched forward shakily in front of me, I followed - too scared to do anything else. I hadn't known him for a long time but still he was my father and I wasn't about to disrespect him further.


''I can't drive. You better get in and take us straight home.'' It was a statement. I could feel the coldness in his eyes as he looked at me.


I pulled into the drive of the perfect house and watched as he moved as quickly as his battered body could. He motioned for me to come into the living room. I stood in the centre of the room, unsure of what to do or say. He sat down on the white fabric couch that none of the children were allowed to have food near, sighing as he did so. His eyes locking with mine. I had disappointed him, I knew it.


''You are not to see him again. If I ever see you two alone again, God help me. In a group you may socialise with each other but if he so much as touches you, I'll kill him. You are to cut all contact with him. Delete his number, everything. Is that clear?'' He looked at me and I knew I had no choice but to obey him. If I didn't I could see him cutting all contact with me.


''Yes, I'm sorry.'' I said weakly I tore my gaze away from him and dropped my eyes to floor. What will I do? There's no way in hell I can't not see him. I can't do that to my dad either, he's just a guy, you'll get through it.


''You are not to leave this house without my permission. You must tell me where your going and exactly what time you'll be back at. In some situations I'll take you and bring you back.'' He spoke up once more.


''Okay,'' A squeak was the only sound I could muster.


''I'm only doing this because I love you,'' He looked defiant like he'd somehow won a massive victory. ''You can go now,'' He said at last.


I ran up the stairs unsure of how I felt. I threw myself on my bed. That's when the tears came. I buried my face in my pillow. Please let this be a very bad dream.